My
mind immediately went back to small town Saskatchewan where, many years
ago, my mother would take my sister and me to care for the graves of
her parents. We would wash the tombstone, pull weeds and water the
rosebush that had been planted there years before. When my children were
young, mom would take them there to do the same tasks. She would answer
questions and tell stories about the family - stories that would
otherwise have died with her. I started to think that perhaps the visit
to a cemetery request was something that would be appropriate.
Mikaeli
spent over an hour walking down the rows and reading the inscriptions
on the stones. She would get excited if she saw a date from the 1800s
and explained "You and I are a lot alike, Grandma. We both like history.
Come and look at this one".
She would ask me questions that
really surprised me like "Do Catholics go to heaven?" A long time ago I
learned that it is best before answering a child's question to ask "I am
wondering why you are wondering". Glad I remembered to make that
statement before launching into any theoretical perspectives. Mikaeli
explained "I'm wondering because there is a sign pointing to a separate
area of the cemetery for Roman Catholics". Isn't it easy to make
assumptions or develop misunderstandings?
Mikaeli wanted to know
if we knew anyone in this cemetery and where our ancestors were buried.
Then she asked about a family friend's grave and I was faced with
explaining cremation in a simple and non-traumatizing manner. I told her
that Ron was in an urn on his wife's mantel and she stated "That's a
little creepy". We talked about how Uncle Abel donated his body to the
University of Saskatchewan for research and then, three years later, the
family gathered to spread the ashes on the lake where they owned a
cabin.
I explained that I am an organ donor and am hopeful that
someone who needs a heart or lungs or eyes will benefit because of this.
She innocently asked "Do you think anyone will want your arms?" I had
no idea about how to answer that one.
We talked about the Family
Tree that now has 6200 relatives and how difficult it is to find
accurate information when cremation occurs rather than burial. It was
obvious that we both enjoyed our discussion and time together.
Suddenly
Mikaeli looked sad and stated "I don't want you to die, Grandma". I
didn't have to think long about my answer to that. I said "But that's
the goal! You can't get to heaven when you are alive. And besides I will
never leave you because I will always be in your heart and memory". She
smiled.
She then sent a text to her dad to tell him where we were
so he wouldn't worry. His text reply was brief. It said: "Morbid. How
about taking her to Ruckers?" Well, that planted another idea in her
head and she quickly asked if we could go there next. I asked "Does your
dad take you to cemeteries?" and she said "No". "Well I don't take kids
to Ruckers". End of discussion.
Death is very much a part of life
but often we either don't talk with our family about it or share the
beliefs that we have about it.
What if you are the only person who
has special family stories and history that you don't share? When you
die it is gone forever.
Legacy is about what we leave for generations to come. It includes stories and values and memories.
What
are you leaving for your descendants? You don't have to take them for a
cemetery tour but you can write down things that you experienced and
tales about the relatives you knew who are long gone.
You might be the
only one who can help them latch onto their roots.
Better than a trip to Ruckers. Anyone can take them there!
From Dr. Linda Hancock, Registered Psychologist and Registered Social Worker
visit http://lindahancock.com
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Linda_Hancock/152728
visit http://lindahancock.com
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